Handwritten thank-you notes complete 'circle of giving'

We may live in a technological world, but when it comes to thanking guests for their wedding gifts, you'll have to rely on a handwritten thank-you note.

"The thank-you needs to be handwritten to give the personal feel of sincerity and connection," says Nicole Fraser, senior writer/editor of American Greetings in Cleveland, Ohio.

Although writing these notes probably won't be your favorite task, you can make the experience more pleasant. To avoid taking a negative approach, think of the thank-you note as a part of the circle of giving and receiving, says Fraser.

"If someone takes the time to send you a gift on your special day, you'll want to take the time to thank them for it. That completes the circle."

Spread your work over several evenings. Although the note and the voice should be first-person singular - "I love the vase" - you ought to include your spouse - "John thinks it should be displayed in the dining room." Complete the task by personally signing each of your names.

To keep your words fresh, Fraser recommends that you thank your guests in writing as if you're speaking to them.

Test your thank-you IQ

Test your knowledge of gift etiquette with our thank-you note quiz. Then, get busy! You've got a lot of writing to do.

1. How soon after a wedding do you have to send notes to your guests?

    A) One month

    B) Up to two months

    C) Before you send out baby announcements

2. When given cash as a gift, the proper acknowledgement is:

    A) Gee, I hope the bank teller doesn't laugh when I try to cash this

    B) Thanks so much for the check for $$ dollars

    C) Thank you for gift that we'll use to buy _______

3. You've been a guest to a wedding and gave the couple a lovely gift. It's been three months and you've yet to receive an acknowledgement. Do you:

    A) Ask that the silver candelabra be returned to you

    B) Send the wedding couple a copy of "Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" (HarperCollins Publishers, 2001)

    C) Contact the couple expressing your concern that the gift may have gone astray

Answers:

1. Either A or B is correct, according to Nicole Fraser. Couples are expected to send thank-you notes within two to three weeks after returning from their honeymoon. However, couples that have extended honeymoons or long guest lists are given a little leeway. If your gift is sent before the wedding, you should send your thanks within two weeks.

2. C is correct. You can mention the sum or not, but your guests will appreciate knowing how you intend to use the money. Something like: "We're going to use your generous check of $100 to buy a lamp for the living room. We'll think of you whenever we turn on the light."

3. C is correct. Don't embarrass the couple. It's possible your gift was lost.